The Mists!

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to hide from silly Steven King monsters in a grocery store? If so, then you may not enjoy The Mist a little more than I didn't. If not, then you may want to stick to Garth Marenghi novels.

From The Book Of Jason

And Jason Spoketh:

I went to an Easter party yesterday, dressed as the Easter Bunny, of course. My Unicorn Power shirt makes a good undershirt, since it is also pink, so I wore it. At one point, I started to get hot, so I pulled the bunny suit open, revealing the shirt, and 10 seconds later a guy runs up to me, fake-punches me in the gut, and says "Nice shirt, gay wad!"

What's The Point?

My biological father offered to get me glasses from Coscto because "they have such great deals." Obviously, he doesn't read Wikapedia!!! Wrong, Dad!

So then, apparently, the eye "doctor" thought that I should get some contacts, but my dad did not agree. In the end, I have a 10 year supply of contact lenses. What's the point?

So, then he made me pick out the glasses, but it's not as easy as that. To get into Coscto you have to have a lifetime membership, but they just don't just hand those out to just anybody! Nope. So I had to wear this fake mustache and smoke a pipe just to match my Dad's Coscto card id photo. Plus I had to provde a mustache hair sample for DNA evidence. Luckily, my dad keeps his mustache trimmings in the car and with a Coscto 24 pack of Supergloo, and I was able to infiltrate the secret underground layer of the Coscto empire.

So then, I waited for my dad to sneak in through the airvents, and after 2 hours we were able to approach the eye glass display when the attendant went to the lady room.

So then, I really wanted to get some big fat rimmed emo glasses like all the cool kids wear, but nope, can't do that at Coscto. Every single pair of eye glasses has some sort of bling on them. "What's bling?" you ask? Bling is shiny things that make cheap stuff magically more expensive. On one of the eye glasses I counted twelve whole pieces of bling. What's The Point?

So, then, I had to get the cheapest pair of blinged eye glasses, but they only had them in half packs. But you can only buy the half packs in crates of seven. Great! Now I have 3.5 glasses. At least when everyone inexplicitedly dies and I am alone in a tv shoppe, I can watch television without having to cry "It's not fair." Get it? Twilight Zone reference? Look it up on the Internet.

So then after we get all that crap, my dad needs to get another forklift because he wants to get food for dinner. I guess my dad has never heard of a little place called Ethiopia. How greedy! What's The Point?

So then, while eating our 17 course meal, my Dad starts to question my lack of thanks for buying me all that stupid stuff. Well, Internet, it was the hardest acting of my life, but I was able to pretend to appeciate the gesture. Good thing that he doesn't know what an Internet cafe is or else I would never be able to vent my wonderfully insightful opinions to millions of daily Internet visitors. My dad's the type of guy who still subscribes to email through the post office. What's The Point?

See you in Cyber Space!

Horrible People

Horrible People is another great show from MyDamnChannel.com. It's a comedy soap opera featuring actors, writing, and music that you would see in a normal day time drama.



It's written by A.D. Miles (Crystal Shyps) and features many funny comedians and a couple of actors as well. It seems like there must be a decent budget for these comedy shows. Well, maybe not because the first season seems like it is going to be about an hour long total. I hope there is a large enough market for this that they can keep making these types of shows. I still can't get any funding for my show. Please help get The Ryan Niemi Show off the ground by donating through paypal. Click here.

Concert Review

I just saw Clutch, one of my favorite bands, put on an amazing show. Despite playing at a venue which is renown for having the worst sound in town, the sound was pretty damn amazing. I don't know if it was the sound guy or just Niel Fallon's booming voice, but somehow everything worked out well; everything, except for the audience.

I've come to expect horrible people at certain concerts; especially at Tool concerts, where some of the world's dumbest humans go to find mates. I was really surprised, though, to find that the homoretardus genus also used Clutch's music to perform their mating dance of running into a crowd of people who have their backs turned because they're trying to enjoy a show that they paid good money to see, god damnit.

Elza claimed to have witnessed three fights and he is a man of his word. What the fuck? There were tons of tiny angry men at this show. The kind of tiny angry men that are as wide as they are tall. The kind of tiny men that stare at the mirror in an orgasmic trance as they do reps at the gym. Not that there is anything wrong with that, tiny angry man who stumbled on this blog by accident. Everyone is really impressed at your ability to knock people over when you come up from behind them like a tiny battering ram. This is the yahoo search result you were looking for. Thanks for stopping by.

So, besides the fact that idiots exist, I am very satisfied with my musical entertainment of the evening.

Wainy Days

I am a huge fan of The State and Stella, so I was very happy when I stumbled on Wainy Days, an internet show starring David Wain.



Also, I just watched The Ten, a movie directed by David Wain and it is pretty damn great. I couldn't understand why it only has a 3 star rating on Netflix, until I saw the very end of the movie. It's a perfect example of how not to end a movie. Now the ending of Wet Hot American Summer is how you end a movie.

Darkplace

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace is one of the best shows ever made.

There is a rumor that Darkplace is being adapted into a film version. One can only hope.

Make Your Firefox Rock: Add-ons

Today, I'm gonna tell you about Firefox extensions, Internet.

Information courtesy of the Infolister add-on. There are only a few that I highly recommend, so I will put a "(I highly recommend this one)" next to the ones that I highly recommend.

* Aardvark 2.0
* About This Site 1.1
* Adblock Filterset.G Updater 0.3.1.3
* Adblock Plus 0.7.5.3 (I highly recommend this one)
* All-in-One Sidebar 0.7.3 (I highly recommend this one)
* Always Remember Password 0.6
* Autocomplete Manager 2.2
* Autohide 1.1.5 [disabled]
* AutoSlideshow 0.3.1
* Bandwidth Meter and Diagnostics 1.1 [disabled]
* Bookmark Duplicate Detector 0.6.3 (I highly recommend this one)
* BugMeNot 1.3 (I highly recommend this one)
* CookieSafe 2.0.6
* CookieSwap 0.5.0
* CustomizeGoogle 0.70 (I highly recommend this one)
* Digg Firefox Extension 0.4 [disabled]
* Download Statusbar 0.9.6
* DownloadHelper 3.0.2 (I highly recommend this one)
* DownThemAll! 1.0 (I highly recommend this one)
* FEBE 5.3.1 [disabled]
* FishEyeTabs 0.14.4 [disabled]
* Flashblock 1.5.5 [disabled]
* Flat Bookmark Editing 0.8.1
* Forecastfox Enhanced 0.9.5.2 [disabled]
* Foxmarks Bookmark Synchronizer 2.0.43 [disabled]
* Greasemonkey 0.7.20080121.0
* IE View Lite 1.3.2
* iMacros for Firefox 6.0.3.1 [disabled]
* InfoLister 0.9f.2
* Leak Monitor 0.3.6
* Locate in Bookmark Folders 0.2.5 (I highly recommend this one)
* McAfee SiteAdvisor 26.5 [disabled]
* Menu Editor 1.2.3.3
* MinimizeToTray 0.0.1.2006102615+
* Mouse Gestures 1.5.2 [disabled]
* NoScript 1.4.9.5 (I highly recommend this one)
* Password Exporter 1.1
* PDF Download 1.0.1.1
* Personas for Firefox 0.9.2
* ProfileSwitcher 0.3.3
* RenameTabs 0.2 [disabled]
* StumbleUpon 3.16 [disabled]
* Tab Mix Plus 0.3.6 (I highly recommend this one)
* Temporary Inbox 2.1 [disabled]
* Uppity 1.4.14 (I highly recommend this one)

You Suck It Photoshop

But that's OK because Donnie is here to help you.



The entire series is available at MyDamnChannel.com.

Gettin' Some Emails

Steve Writes:

You were telling me about how Thunderbird rocks. How do I set it?

Yes, Steve. I was telling you about how it's possible to get email on Internet.

Here's how!:

STEP 1. Doanload the Internet
Step 2. grab some files and put them in your computer
step 2 part a maek sure you have files
step 2 prt b look at all instructions on the interwebs for help
step 2 part c finish up all the lose ends

You're welcome steve.

Send all your questions to niemsta@gmail.com

Interface Is Key

I enjoy watching the Angry Video Game Nerd, but I was tired of the constant age verification at Gametrailers.com, so I decided that I could easily register an account on their website, let Firefox remember the password so I can quickly sign in and not have to worry about verifying my birth date every time I watch a new video.

Unfortunately, even when I created an account, logged in, and entered my birth date in my profile, they still ask me to verify my age every single time I want to watch a new video. Even if I just watched a video five minutes ago. What is the purpose of that?

They have an option for continuous play, but it won't work if you don't verify your age at the start of every new video. So, If I want to continue watching AVGN, I need to keep click on the month that I was born and scroll down to December, then after that all that, I have to select the day and year. Really? I need to do this every 5-10 minutes? What was the purpose of you asking for my birth date in the first place, Gametrailers.com?

There is a way to fix Gametrailer.com's broken age verification system by using Firefox, installing the Greasemonkey addon with this Greasemonkey script. You also need to change your profile so that Quicktime is the default video player instead the industry standard.

So already, they have alienated a large percentage of possible viewers. Most people are going to rightfully tell Gametrailers.com to fuck right off and they will not return. Less than half will stick around and continue watching a couple more videos. A small percentage of die hard fans will subject themselves to undeserved punishment and an even smaller percentage will find a way around it. Great job, Gametrailers.com!

These instructions are available on the Gametrailers.com forums and they have yet to be removed. I'd like to think that Gametrailers.com is aware of this pathetic interface problem and is working on a change. The whole situation is so pathetic, that it deserves to be addressed by the Angry Video Game Nerd, himself.

So I emailed Gametrailers.com and let them know how I feel and I got this response:

Sorry, but it's a liability issue. We're required by the ESRB to
provide an age gate in front of all mature rated content that you must
bypass manually. Sorry for the inconvenience.

Fair enough. I can't begin to explain my hatred of the ESRB. It just really cheeses my goat that people are punished for the safety of precious children. I think it's about time we start making parents responsible for their children. I know that's a wild and crazy idea, but sometimes I'm two wild and crazy guys.

The Donkey Kong Challenge

Mike Willey, founder of the Ape Liberation Front, has issued a challenge to me to defeat Donkey Kong. It seems that Mr. Willey has watched The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters and thinks that the task is impossible.

Ha! I beat Donkey Kongs for breakfast.

I accepted and completed the challenge a little while ago. It took longer than I thought, but it was no where near as challenging as portrayed in The King of Kong. I believe they made the game appear more difficult as to pad out the film. 79 minutes is far too long to spend on something that can be reviewed by the Angry Video Game Nerd in 5 minutes.

I now present you with video evidence of Donkey Kong's defeat:

I Ain't Afraid Of No Ghosts I - IV

I never expected to hear about the brand new Nine Inch Nails album through an online comic strip, but that's what happened when I was checking Bunny Comics via Google Reader and tried to figure out the meaning of this:


At first, I was confused because I haven't heard of anything new about Mr. Reznor except that he is no longer chained to a major music label. So, I checked out his Interweb official home page and found out that he quietly released a 4 disc instrumental album. The best part is that he released it under a creative commons license. Disc 1 is officially available through thePirateBay for zero dollars money. The album is currently available as a download for five dollars money as well as other options for serious collectors. They sold the entire 2500 copies of the $300 Ultra-Deluxe Limited Edition Package within hours. I'm really interested to find out how much money Trent makes now that he controls the middle men.

I tried to buy the album post haste, but as the Bunny-Comic shows, the servers were hit hard and I was not able to give Trent my digital dollars. I grabbed the free Ghosts I torrent and was able to buy the album after patiently waiting for Mr. Reznor's internets to get turned back on.

I am currently listening to Ghosts I while the flac version of Ghosts I-IV is coming down the pipe. I'm getting blazing fast 13kbps internet-type download speeds on my 605.14mb download. It looks like I'll have to wait for a while before I can enjoy the entire piece.

Memento Mori

Sunday night is the most depressing time for me. There is something about the end of the weekend and the impending Mondays that just kills my Garfields.

So, here I am, reading through Google Reader, when I stumble on this article on Kotaku:
Portal vs Passage

The article isn't very interesting, but it made me want to play Passage since it is grouped in the Portal category. Unfortunately Passage doesn't really relate to Portal in anyway at all. The article just seems to be a clever ploy in which to draw Portal attention towards Passage.

I recommend that you take 2 minutes to download Passage and then spend 5 minutes playing it before reading further.

Passage fits into the Games as Art category. It's only a game in the sense that the best way to convey it's message is where the user has some control.

So after playing it once, I had to try it again. I didn't know that it was possible to move up and down. The second play through I went through the maze with the life partner. The maze is brutal. You can get stuck in some rut and by the time you finally escape, you've wasted a good portion of your life on nothing.

The artist's explanation of the game is worth a read.

Spoiler alert: You're going to die alone.

Video Games and Digital Nostalgia

I was watching Garth Marenghi's Darkplace with Charles and the conversation turned from cheesy 1980s television to cheesy 1980s video games.

We talked about the horrible games that get reviewed by the Angry Video Game Nerd like Ghostbusters and Jaws. Ghostbusters was one of the first games we rented when we begain our Nintendo adventure as children. Ghostbusters is also one of the most disappointing games that I ever played (I never owned an Atari, so I never played E.T.). I've never gotten past the part where you need to drive to the store to buy ghost busting equipment. Watching the Angry Video Game Nerd review the game, was painfully nostalgic for me. Especially because he actually found a part of the game that involved busting ghosts. Something that I have never seen.



The world of 8-bit Nintendo games was very dangerous for a child. When your parents took you to rent a video game, it was important that you study the box art carefully or else you could spend the next 3-5 days with Ghostbusters. A game where you drive to a store. You also needed to pay attention to friends and video game magazines because a game like Duck Tales may sound like a horrible game, but it was actually quite fun.

More entertaining Angry Video Game Nerd reviews are available at Gametrailers.com.