What's The Point of Pickle Slices?

I'm not a fan of cows, but bovine-free burgers are something that I enjoy to eat provided I have plenty of condiments. In fact, I'm starting to suspect that I see bread and meat as a vehicle for condiments rather than condiments as being an accessory.

One of my favorite things on food at restaurants is pickles. I love pickles. I can't get enough. French fries taste much better to me when wrapped in a pickle slice.

So when I was at the grocery store I decided that I would get a jar of pickle slices to add some zazz to my at-home meals. Unfortunately, I don't know much about at-home pickles. I could buy a jar of pickles, but I don't really like eating a whole pickle and I don't want to spend an afternoon chopping up pickles for sandwich use. What I need is a jar of pickle slices.

Pickle slices are strange things to buy in jars! None of the jars of pickle slices said "I'm a jar of pickle slices. Buy me, Ryan Niemi!" In fact, they had all kinds of confusing labels. What's the point? Are they trying to entice non-pickle enthusiasts?

There was a bunch of jars that said "Bread and Butter Pickles" and then the jar was full of slices of pickles. The contents of the jar appear to be what I require, but what's the point of 'bread and butter?' There are at least three ways I could take that. One way is that these are the types of pickles commonly eaten with bread and butter. I've never been so hungry that I slapped some butter on a slice of bread and then covered it with pickles, so I am unable to comprehend that possibility.

Another way to take it is that the pickle slices have bread and butter flavor. This is the first thing that pops in my head when I see these labels. Why would anyone want to eat bread and butter flavored anything? The next thing you know, there will be a bread and butter flavored sports drink. Their slogan can be "punish your taste buds into shape!"

The other way they could be going with their strange name is to use "bread and butter" in the way that implies 'money maker'. Like these pickle slices are the "bread and butter" of the food industry. That makes sense to me because I like condiments more than the meat, but I imagine that the majority of burger enthusiasts believe that beef is the bread and butter of the food industry.

I read the ingredients on one of these jars and it said nothing about natural or artificial bread and butter flavoring, so I just bough a jar of regular pickles and some stationary scissors so I can get that authentic pickle slice shape.

What's the point? Seriously.

The Reason I Want a Mac

I've been a Mac user for a long time, but skipped the iMac and went to PC for gaming. I missed Apples, but dealing with the ridiculous problems in Windows 98 and above has definitely increased my technical proficiency, so I don't regret my Apple abandonment.

One thing that I've always loved about the Mac OS is speech. Windows has never and will probably never match the quality voice control that you can get with a Mac. A great thing to do when using a Mac is to set a keyboard shortcut for speech. While playing video games or working, you can select the text of a lengthy article and press Apple+Ctrl+Alt+S and read with your ears. Windows does not seem to provide this feature without expensive software. What's the point?

What's The Point?

My biological father offered to get me glasses from Coscto because "they have such great deals." Obviously, he doesn't read Wikapedia!!! Wrong, Dad!

So then, apparently, the eye "doctor" thought that I should get some contacts, but my dad did not agree. In the end, I have a 10 year supply of contact lenses. What's the point?

So, then he made me pick out the glasses, but it's not as easy as that. To get into Coscto you have to have a lifetime membership, but they just don't just hand those out to just anybody! Nope. So I had to wear this fake mustache and smoke a pipe just to match my Dad's Coscto card id photo. Plus I had to provde a mustache hair sample for DNA evidence. Luckily, my dad keeps his mustache trimmings in the car and with a Coscto 24 pack of Supergloo, and I was able to infiltrate the secret underground layer of the Coscto empire.

So then, I waited for my dad to sneak in through the airvents, and after 2 hours we were able to approach the eye glass display when the attendant went to the lady room.

So then, I really wanted to get some big fat rimmed emo glasses like all the cool kids wear, but nope, can't do that at Coscto. Every single pair of eye glasses has some sort of bling on them. "What's bling?" you ask? Bling is shiny things that make cheap stuff magically more expensive. On one of the eye glasses I counted twelve whole pieces of bling. What's The Point?

So, then, I had to get the cheapest pair of blinged eye glasses, but they only had them in half packs. But you can only buy the half packs in crates of seven. Great! Now I have 3.5 glasses. At least when everyone inexplicitedly dies and I am alone in a tv shoppe, I can watch television without having to cry "It's not fair." Get it? Twilight Zone reference? Look it up on the Internet.

So then after we get all that crap, my dad needs to get another forklift because he wants to get food for dinner. I guess my dad has never heard of a little place called Ethiopia. How greedy! What's The Point?

So then, while eating our 17 course meal, my Dad starts to question my lack of thanks for buying me all that stupid stuff. Well, Internet, it was the hardest acting of my life, but I was able to pretend to appeciate the gesture. Good thing that he doesn't know what an Internet cafe is or else I would never be able to vent my wonderfully insightful opinions to millions of daily Internet visitors. My dad's the type of guy who still subscribes to email through the post office. What's The Point?

See you in Cyber Space!