Talking Apes?

Some apes speak so well, it's shocking.

Anti-Ryan Niemi Propaganda

Thanks, Jeff, who brought this bit of misinformation to my attention.

"I think apes are the cause of all the wars in the world...oh yeah, and don't forget they are the cause of A.I.D.S. too..." -Ryan Niemi

This message is brought to you by the ALF.

This is slander! I never made these comments. It is clear that ALF is spinning a web of lies to sour my already tarnished reputation. I finally restored my email address to working order after the last problem. Please, I beg you, stop sending me emails.

My legal team is currently deciding how to handle this.

MONKEY BEES MONKEY BEES MONKEY BEES MONKEY BEES!!!

DUNGEONS & DRAGONS: Celebrating Stupid Monsters

Misleading Article

The Ryan Niemi Journal (I refuse to provide a link to the original article because they don't deserve the ad revenue) has a story right now that is very misleading. Apparently, they have gotten a hold of my game playing history (thank you, Microsoft) and have made a mountain out of a mole hill.

They have posted the amount of time I have spent playing a certain video game in which the objective is to capture, torture and murder apes. They didn't mention that almost half the time logged was from other people playing it on my Xbox Live account during RNC board meetings.

Just because I play violent ape killing video games doesn't mean I hate all apes. Ape-Rape 3: Zoo Raid is a very good game with some great writing and excellent physics. I mean, just because I play Call of Duty 2 doesn't mean I hate all Nazis. Just the bad ones.

What Else Did You Expect?

This is what happens when you protest outside of the designated areas.

From CNN:
Chimp gunned down in ape-escape

Don't Believe The Ape L F

Today I woke up to this in my inbox:

****BREAKING NEWS FROM THE APE LIBERATION FRONT********

Recent video released via the "interweb" reveals Ryan Niemi's most recent experiments in Ape Cruelty.

Please see the following link:

http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1778911

Apparently, Ryan Niemi has taken to forcing Apes to river dance.

If this recent video offends you, please send your grievances to Ryan Niemi at ***********@gmail.com

Let him know that this kind of cruelty will not be tolerated. Forcing Apes to do an Irish jig is cruel and unusual punishment.

Keep the faith,

Michael D Willey
Minister of Information
Ape Liberation Front

Needless to say, this is getting out of hand. My phone won't stop ringing and, some how, I have exceeded my Gmail storage limit. I didn't even know that was possible. Please stop trying to contact me. I will never apologize for what I have said.

Confusing Ape Liberation Front Threats

Today my inbox was flooded with variations of this:

Mr. Niemi,

Watch this video:



You are a baby tiger and we will spank you!

Good day.

These people need therapy.